PEEING ON A BUDGET

Hi,

Firstly, let me introduce myself to you, my name is Afra or alternatively you may know me as that-girl-that-pees-a-lot-at-work. To be quite frank, I have no idea why I am writing about this or how my brain, that goes a million miles per hour decided to think about this one thing. I do, however, think that this NEEDS to be said, spread and acknowledged. There’s always talk about pooping during work hours but we never talk about peeing.

I remember early into my full-time job, I was putting out a FYI disclaimer to my colleague that I peed a lot so it wouldn’t be such a big deal when you know…I got up to pee again and again and again and again. Sometimes it’s due to the aircon, sometimes it’s my water intake, sometimes idek. But it definitely is an absolute PAIN in the poophole (not literally relax). My current office is only comprised of a handful of people and so when you get up to pee, stage fright is 10x worse because, A. Less people means less distractions & more attention to any sudden movements (i.e. YOU GETTING UP TO PEE) and B. It just is OKAY.

And you know it’s not just the action, it’s the time consuming thought process that often lasts for minutes on end (minutes that are absolutely painful for a bursting bladder!). I’m constantly battling with my own thoughts or pretending to answer a judgy corporate body; “Should I go now or in like 15mins?”, “omg everyone’s going to notice…”, “here we go, time to walk of shame; twice”, “WHY DO I PEE SO MUCH?!??!!111”, “I promise, I’m not doing it on purpose- I really just want to work pee-free!”, “ughh time’s up, if you gotta go, you gotta go”.

If you think about it, that’s a lot of time devoted to worrying about peeing and peeing in addition to it being a disruption to your work. Let’s do the math for a worst case scenario:

Estimated time to (walk to bathroom + do a long pee + wash hands + cringe at your reflection in the mirror + walk back to desk) = 10mins approx.

Estimated lead time of worry, anxiety and despair prior to peeing = 15mins approx.

Estimated time needed to snap back into focus at work post-pee = 10mins approx.

Total Time = 35mins

Say we pee every hour in an 8hr work day = 35 x  8 = 280mins = 4.6667hrs 

= 5hrs approx./day

Ummmmmmmm WHAT IN TARNATION?!?! 5 flipping hours? I was not expecting that. Numbers honestly put everything into perspective. And that would make it a grand total of 25hrs in a 40hr average working week. I mean this is worst case scenario (with a lot of anomalies) but still...I’m shook.

So, what now? Looks like there’s a large portion of our time being devoted to relieving ourselves at the company’s expense as well. Does that mean we have to stay back an extra 5hrs at work? I mean it’s not something we can control and we’ll eventually cave in despite trying to manipulate the situation. Or maybe being aware will encourage mindfulness when it comes to working efficiently. I was definitely not prepared for this and now know for sure that I’ll be taking *pees stressfully* to a whole other level.

Spell 'I CUP' and then say 'like a waterfall'. hehehe.

much love,

Afra